Who better to hire as the executive producer of your new cooking show than a sloppy drunk with very unique ideas about "cooking humor"
Ted, the new executive producer for Roseanne's new show, has Roseanne and her family on edge since they feel that he has a misguided vision of what the new cooking show is supposed to be about.
The group decides to start shopping around their pitch (which at this point they still don’t really have) to some of the networks. First stop, Court TV. Yeah because that's the first place I would go to try to sell a cooking show. You too? Ted tries to pitch the show as crime/food convergence. The CEO of the network jokingly replies "well those two work together naturally." I guess that I'm not the only one who finds this ridiculous. Ted digs himself in deeper when he says that Court TV is Roseanne's favorite network which is why she came to them first. Well there you go, now it makes perfect sense. If it doesn't work out perhaps they can try pitching a knitting show to ESPN next, I'm sure they'll be equally interested. It comes to no surprise to anyone that the network isn't biting, despite the many pathetic attempts by all to come up with explanations why this could possibly make sense. Roseanne's worried that nobody will want to pick it up and asks the questions we are all asking ourselves, "Is anyone even going to watch this show?"
Roseanne calls her shrink on the phone and tells him that it's his fault that she isn't as interesting as she used to be since he "cured her of all of her mental tics." She thinks she would be funnier if she was as conflicted as she used to be. Yes because she is just the poster child for sanity these days. Her shrink tells her that she needs "retail therapy" and to go buy herself some shoes. Ah, the cure for everything. I approve! Roseanne takes his advice and heads off to do some shopping. Elsewhere, Roseanne's son's head over to Ted's apartment where they meet Ellen a set designer who Ted thinks would be right for the show. Her sons think the set should be similar to "Who wants to be a Millionaire". Hold on, I have to stop laughing. Ok, I'm better now. Are they serious??
Second pitch: The Food Network. One would assume that this is meeting would be a little more successful than the Court TV pitch, right? Yes, well not quite. First Roseanne's son-in-law decides to rant and rave for about 15 minutes. Something about the show maybe being live, but sometimes not, and the set would change, and clowns would juggle live chickens while seated in the audience of people who are forced to wear all different kinds of aprons that say things like "Real Men Fry Turkeys". Ok, well maybe not that last part, but you get the point. The network execs are starting to look a little thrown off, to say the least. As if that’s not bad enough, Bizarro Ted decides that this is the perfect opportunity to pitch an idea that he has not yet previously discussed with Roseanne. And what is this brilliant idea you ask? Well Ted feels that it would make an interesting segment if on the show they decided to have fancy food critics come on to sample an array of dishes created out of... dumpsters. OKAY. Well sign me up right now because I would love to see that episode!! Roseanne looks horrified but tries to play it off. She voices over that she has no clue why he said that. The network thinks that it might be a little disrespectful. And the meeting ends. I don’t think that they will be calling anytime soon. In the limo, Ted realizes that he will probably be yelled at for that one and Roseanne grips her seat trying to call upon the spiritual teachings she has studied so that she doesn’t tear Ted's head clean off his shoulders and punt it like a football out of the moving car.
Later that night, Ted has a little too much to drink and proceeds to hit on Roseanne's makeup artist Shannon, while also telling Drew (Roseanne's writer) that he loves him, in a platonic way, of course. He keeps asking Drew if he is mad at him and tells them that he will leave the show if they hate him and if they don’t want him there anymore. He's acting like a neurotic drunk that needs everyone around him to reassure him. This guy is a nightmare.
Roseanne is now in full panic mode. Everyone is a little creeped out by Ted and his approach to the show that they are trying to make. Roseanne wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. Their next pitch attempt is with ABC Family. This time Ted is on his best behavior and actually makes a decent pitch to the network. They seem pretty interested in the idea but when Roseanne asks if she can take the box of donuts with her at the end I assume that it is all over. Tacky! Luckily Martin, Roseanne's agent calls with some good news. Apparently they are going to get an offer from ABC Family for at least 13 episodes. Roseanne is genuinely thrilled since she says she hasn’t been able to sell anything for the past 4 years. Roseanne calls Ted to tell him the good news. He is excited as well. Now its time to get down to business and start hiring more people to help on the show. Roseanne's sons feel like their being left out of the decision process since Ted is basically ignoring everything that they say. Yeah, it's not pretty. Roseanne actually seems to be the only one who still likes Ted.
The "crew" is off to shoot their first piece, which will take place at a farmers market. Ted wants Roseanne to haggle with the vendors over prices and strike up some interesting conversations but she is not feeling his ideas. Instead they basically shoot an hour of footage of Roseanne oohing and aahing over food and buying some random crap. Completely unorganized and uninteresting. Roseanne's sons have had enough of Ted and they think he's a big idiot. I agree.
Next week: Ted gets drunk again and annoys everyone.
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