Well first off, I do. I spend LOTS of time there. It’s beautiful. Oh, you mean the bobble-head looking creature from Season 1 that traipsed her way in and started talking shit as soon as she got her skinnier ass through the door.

By Candice Helfand
Reality Reel Media
09.16.06

Sorry, but this episode made me lose all faith in humanity, and the doctors of these women. Go global warming! Speed up!

We start RIGHT off with the girls bitching and shooting nasty looks at her as she gets all up on Flav, like nothing’s changed. According to her, our eyes aren’t playing tricks on us, and it’s “mad love” right there. Yeah, “mad contracts” or “mad opportunities” is more like it.

Flav adds some salt to that wound by informing the girls that she’s there to help him decide who to kick off next. Ouch; and we’re not talking a paper cut. You ever see the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Yeah, that’s the kind of salt-to-open-wound interaction I’M talkin’ about.

Flash forward to some drinking (‘cause yeah, THAT wasn’t on its way), and New York asking the girls WHY Flav will be theirs. Bootz tells her that it’s because she speaks her mind, and New York says everyone does that. Something tells me that no matter what the girls say, New York will find a way to counter it. But also, that’s the dumbest thing Bootz has ever said with her scary-ass self. New York continues by wondering if people get ideas from their ass if they don’t speak their mind and…

OK, several things. One, she’s another person that says “idear” and this just frustrates me to no end. It’s NOT “idear”. There’s NO “R” at the end of that word, and it doesn’t make you sound more intelligent or British or something. It makes you sound like the ass bag that adds an “R” to a word for no reason. And also, no, not everyone speaks their mind; people are shady and sneaky, or they can be shy, so no, not everyone speaks up about what’s going on in their head. Cocksmack. Go boil a bunny.

My goal is to think of new ways to make fun of these women, because by the end of this episode, I hated them all, to an extent that inspires me to think of new and exciting names. Vote for your favorites!

Uh oh, Buckwild. “Bootz did the boots on her.” WHAT THE F*CK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! I ask you.

Upstairs, Krazy is speaking her hypochondriac mind and asking of Beatuful has a cold sore, because Krazy also kissed him and now she feels nauseous. Actually, the proper term is nauseated, and I know most people wouldn’t correct her, but she’s a skanky bitch too so I’ll be nit-picky about her grammar since I can’t make fun of her outfit ‘cause for once, a girl in this house dressed herself normally.