That title makes no sense. I would have gone with “Janice the Muppet vs. That Female Gremlin” but that’s just me.

Anyway, it’s been awhile, and that is definitely my bad. But after the same weekend the episode aired, my brother got married. Then the NLCS started, and since I’m an avid, life-long Mets fan, it was a long, emotional week for me. And I needed a few days to recover after Game 7 before I could comfortably write the phrase, “New York lost,” without bursting into tears and running outside to kill small, red baby birds.

I’ve grown past that dark part of my month of October, and I’m ready to give you the 2nd-to-last installment of this crazy season, in which we find out who Flav picked. Well, I actually just told you, but the journey is a fun one, and I hope you’ll join me for it.

Flav starts out with his grape outfit and cigar, and somewhere, Monica Lewinsky is both hungry and horny.

By Candice Helfand
Reality Reel Media
10.25.06

He reminds us that it’s been a long season, and I roll my eyes because the week before, they played a WHOLE EPISODE showing us just how long it’s been. We don’t need another recap, stop stalling for time.

As a result, I refuse to sit around telling you what you all know already; everyone was a ridiculously large slut at some point or another, his kids came by, and now he has New York and Deelishis. This was a nice reminder of what filthy and brutal whores these women were though, so that’s a plus.

Oh yeah, they fought a bunch, too, and that was both funny and, at times, life-threatening (read: entertaining).

We pick up where we left off, with Flav celebrating the departure of New York’s mom, laughing it off until he gets completely serious and calls her a test-tube baby. HAH!

Of course, it’s only seconds after that she comes bursting back into the house to demand her daughter leave with her. Jesus, I forgot just how scary that woman is. At least one network is making up for the dearth in scary movies this Halloween season by showing us this frightening creature.

Ms. Michelle marches right up to Flav’s room and, wow, that has to be THE fastest penis-gone-limp moment to date, ‘cause my guess is, Flav was expecting her slutty, trampy daughter to come in and do him “proper”. She’s sitting on a chair across from his bedroom door. SO SCARY! Flav better call his kids to make sure they’re not in a basement in upstate New York somewhere. I saw “Hide and Seek”, I know how creepy it can get up there.

Flav greets her hello, to which she replies, “Game over.” Ummm, Saw much?! That’s actually what the killer says when someone’s about to die. I wonder if the editors knew that. If so, I might consider being a surrogate for them.