This week’s installment begins with Renee—she of angular face and bitchy persona. “I feel like the girls in the house don’t understand me. They’re looking for ways to be offended by me,” says Renee (um, they don’t really have to look too far). So this modelee decides she’s changing things up a bit. She confesses, “I‘m not gonna win this with a bitchy attitude so I’m gonna stop being mean.” (Now, meanness often has little to do with who wins or loses—look at cycle three champ diva Eva.)

By Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick
Reality Reel Media
03.24.07

What does Renee do to redeem herself? She gives Jael some weird little sketch (of whom, I’m not sure). Jael, the cool dude that she is, says, “Thanks, it’s fabulous!” and displays the anime-looking pencil-drawing of a chick in a straitjacket. I’m still not sure what that gesture was all about. I guess Jael was the easiest model for Renee to start with—the most accepting of everyone.

Next we find Renee braiding Brittany’s hair. Brittany still thinks Renee is two-faced but she’s happy to deal with her as long as she’s being nice (there was no complaining from Brittany this week, at least none that was aired). Diana, on the other hand, is not convinced. “Renee is very manipulative and I believe she looks for a girl in the house to be there for her and control her in a sense. I don’t buy it.” I think she was implying that Renee wants to be controlled? I didn’t really get it, but I’m pretty sure that Diana’s got more junk in the trunk than she does upstairs.

Out and about, the girls run into a traffic cop, but surprise! He’s just a poseur, and a professional one at that. Benny Ninja, vogue-er extraordinaire, offers a brief history lesson on vogue-ing (which involves zero mention of Madonna—kudos). The girls go head-to-head with their exaggerated poses. Felicia is a natural, according to Ninja. Jaslene is fascinating—she just turns into “model.” Ninja thought Whitney was fabulous.

For the challenge, the girls arrive at some strange building in L.A. and out slinks Ninja in a yellow spandex suit. Up for grabs this week? A $40K diamond bracelet. “But you know I’m gonna make you work for it,” Ninja says. Catlike agility and fabulous poses are the tall order while making their way through a trajectory of lasers without touching any of them (or you have to go back to the beginning and start again, kind of like Survivor). “I have to win this,” Renee says. “My husband and I are really broke right now. This would be a fresh start for our family.” But alas, Renee is the only gal who doesn’t make it through the lasers in the allotted two minutes time and loses her chance at the sparkly prize.

Wearing silver spandex suits—completely unflattering on not only the plus-sized models but on all the others as well—the gals slither through the maze. Brittany was as quick as a cat, Felicia danced through, and Natasha’s distracting wide-eyed look overshadowed any potentially good poses she may have done. The stand-out in Ninja’s eyes though was Whitney. “She blew my mind! Her poses were phenomenal and she kept eye contact with me the entire time.” Renee was distraught. “We’re swimming in debt and don’t have anyplace to live and I feel like I failed my family.” Hmm … we know you’re going for the gold here but one has to wonder why you would leave a practically-destitute family behind to chase a pipe dream? Ah, the reality of reality TV, I suppose.