Forgive me but I've always yearned to point out that Bachelor Executive Producer Mike Fleiss is responsible for some of the most disgusting motion pictures ever made — including the slaughter-snuff-porn Hostel autopsy epics.

By David W. Taylor (Email The Author)
Reality Reel Media
06.21.08

If you haven't seen these films please do not let me tempt you. Simply put these movies are a showcase of human depravity in the darkest slop-hole in hell. Posterity has been given a roadmap to psycopathic insanity.

How one who inhabits a clean and luxurious office at ABC studios comes to a decision to develop and manufacture this type of utter grossness is beyond any nightmare I may be saddled with. Obviously Mr. Fleiss contemplates projects not only with his penis but his wallet too. That he also produces a semi-sensitive Reality Show about human love relationships — that I consistently enjoy — is confusing. But there I pointed it out and I'm done.

Chris Harrison popped the cork again: "It's the most dramatic season yet..." Yes, in that freakish Bachelor tradition of ever rising intensity and orgasmic amazing-ness that each new Season drops into our lap, until, alas, the Final Rose. Then the inevitable slap of indifference and soured expectations erupt with an all too familiar burp. Yet, up until that ignoble moment, it's always quite the roller-coaster ride.

I think The Bachelorette version of the series is always more interesting because the central character is female and this bodes well for the plausibility of a long-term arrangement following the disappearance of Chris and the camcorders. Women are instinctually, and emotionally, much more attuned to devotion and commitment than us men, who as a whole consider animalistic sexual attraction, as an end in itself, much more readily.

Male sexual vibe is ever so volatile. Once that ember fades it's always on to the next intriguing assembly of skin. Our past bevy of doomed 'Bachelors' — especially since the incredibly silly and sloppy Bob Guiney — only proves that the immediate congregation of so many willing females beguiles most men and probably moves them, unknowingly, away from thoughts of marriage.

Our current huntress is named DeAnna and she is close to perfection. Beautiful, luscious, sexy, intelligent, gutsy, compassionate, sweet, half-modest — angelic, devilish — she's almost what any guy would want. The complete package. There haven't been any doubters within the ranks so far — just a blustry Graham, who complains and spars for sexual affect. Most of our guys would probably marry her on the spot...this stunning greek southern bell.

Her main suitors include the odd-faced Jeremy (finally, someone else took notice: Twilley calling Jeremy a "mutant"); who stated so eloquently to DeAnna last week that "I'm here as long as you keep me here." Which is true enough, I guess. Not necessarily earth-shaking insight.

Jeremy also has big 24-Hour Fitness muscles to go along with his tightly wrapped face, and he was the only dude to perform a hip-hop ditty during his recent song writing foray...yeah, you've got to love this guy, this amped attorney. And understanding DeAnna's infatuation? I don't have a bloody clue. What? He's an attorney? I can see Graham's allure, Jason's, even Jessie's. Jeremy I don't see at all.

Sean got cut this week and I suppose I could see it coming. He's no dashing hunk like Graham or a dashing prince like Jason; and besides driving a Hummer around to see his doting mother a few blocks away from his five-bedroom crash pad; and having a walk-in closet teeming with, as he proudly puts it, "name brand" clothes and indulging in "facial creams," one was hard pressed to see what made Sean tick. I'm not even sure how his Martial Arts Master schtick comes into play. What does he do for cash?

Their kiss after meals at the Palm Springs snow summit was decidedly unexhilirating. Sean himself oddly and quickly pulled away from DeAnna, leaned back in the hammock, and said, "I've had a great time." He stared up at the sky seemingly hallucinating about his sudden conquest of this almost perfect female on national television. He probably couldn't believe he was in the position he found himself. Yet, his southern roots were going to trump all! Gosh golly, I was invited for dessert!

And then Sean admitted to DeAnna that "you're what I NEED in my life..." She was the missing cog in the "jigsaw puzzle" of his life. Sounds a little off-putting for a woman looking for a man to lead her confidently into his own unknown destiny. It sounds like DeAnna would have to replace mother in some huge way...good god, mama lives only a few blocks away!? They may share the same moral traditions but every woman wants her man to be thinking and living and breathing apart from the nest.

Twilley was Twilley...a cool enough cat but a strange duck nonetheless. His physical features alone would be a challenge for DeAnna's subliminal scanning of potential breeding partners — unless huge sums of cash were involved. Their kids might be, perhaps, less than striking and it would all be Twilley's fault. Understandable enough. Off you go. He's going to have to settle for something less than a supermodel.

At least Twilley was self aware about the whole gig. He knew he was the black sheep and for that you can't help but love the guy.

Jessie might pose the same problem — there are facial and height issues. But DeAnna is intrigued by this outer limits "bad boy" and he is truly a breath of fresh air sometimes. But husband material? Not likely, not DeAnna. He's a curiousity. And like Sean, there is too much worship and fawning from Jessie. He can't even find the gumption to kiss her when she's on her knees begging.

The one guy who curls DeAnna's toes and refrains from almost any kind of pedestal placing is, of course, groovy Graham with this strapping chest, his woodsy good looks and his always stubbly chisel chin. He's a verifiable stud packing a healthy male ego to boot. He loves himself almost as much as he loves DeAnna and boastfully keeps score on how many fights they have because when DeAnna comes back for more he's in total control.

Whether the erotic fireworks are enough to keep Graham on top of DeAnna's list of potential husbands is anybody's guess. My guess is that he's at least in the Final Three and probably a shoe-in for Final Two unless the family visit goes sideways.

Jason would be a great husband, provider and father but, shoot, he's got his son. And DeAnna knows that that also means dealing with his ex-wife from time to time, or too many times. No matter how things progress that's a huge negative. I think he'll survive the Final Three but then the party stops.

This has been a nice Season — the Bachelorette is a genuine catch and the Bachelors are varied and many are grounded. It seems Jeremy is in the driver's seat but I think even this decision is subject to unseen forces within DeAnna's psyche. If she gives up Graham she may be giving up a super-fantastic romantic life. If she gives up Jason she may be foregoing a supportive life partner and sensitive father. Jeremy's connection may be solely having someone close by who can commiserate with DeAnna about lost parents. Who the Full Man is now is only a whim.